Bloody Buggies

So,the Government are still pushing for GPS speed limits in the UK. For those of you who haven’t heard about this, I’ll highlight the salient points.

All new vehicles in the future are to be equipped with technology that is linked to the GPS network. Briefly, this means that when you drive along any road, the GPS, in association with mapping software, knows exactly where you are and so automatically reduces your speed to within the speed limit. This is supposed to reduce accidents caused by speed. Nice to think that our Parliamentarians are looking after us in our twilight years, how thoughtful. What could be better, there you are waffling down the road in your Ford Escort Estate at a steady 50 mph, when all of a sudden you enter a 30 mph zone. The next thing you know you’re peeling yourself off your windscreen as the very same satellite that used to have its lasers pointing at Russia in the Cold war, sends a signal to your car, thereby applying the brakes. How very useful. All they need to do now is get the bloody car to steer itself and all us drivers become passengers. Even better, in there foresight, the Government have stated that there is a switch that will turn the system off so that you can make your own decisions. How good is that?

Just what exactly is going on in these people’s brains? Is it just me, or will it cause more problems than it solves. If you are one of those people who have just had a frontal lobotomy and thinks this is practical thinking at its best, let me run a few things past you. For one thing, if you’re going to fit an override switch, how many people are going to switch it on? Imagine if you had a similar system on your latest AMD computer, if the switch is off, the PC runs at full speed, but to be safe, if you switch it on, the computer runs at half speed. Personally, mine would be welded and superglued (with full counter measures) in the off position as I suspect yours would. No, I know what you’re going to say, but think about it, at the precise time you need a bit of speed to avoid a dangerous situation; you have to go hunting for the bloody OFF switch. By the time you remember where it is, you’ve run over a family of ducks and parallel parked the car in the branches of an elderly oak tree. Road rage will escalate as some people use the system and some don’t, traffic will, more or less, come to a standstill due to sudden deceleration and farmers vehicles blocking the roads trying to encourage cars from oak trees.

I’m not joking; there will be more accidents than ever before. But there’s a more sinister reason for the Government promoting this cock-eyed proposal, Big Brother! Think about it, they will be able to log every journey you make, even when you’ve turned the machine off. Then they will charge you a toll based on your journey time and route, thus adding to their coffers. My God! This gets worse; this will then push all vehicles down rural roads resulting in the extinction of all wildlife and all villagers over the age of 60. Our villages will become rally cross stages with extra points for hitting someone in a wheelchair, nooooooooo.

I’m sorry , it’s not for me, I want to be able to decide what I want to hit and when I want to hit it. You’ll not find me driving alongside country fields; I’ll be driving across them in my dirty great 4 x 4. Anyway, speed doesn’t kill, suddenly becoming stationary, that’s the killer.